As I’ve probably mentioned before, I sort of began this site at the urging of many people who told me I was a good writer/storyteller. A lot of my friends are long distance, so when they ask me what’s going on I go into these long, detailed stories about all the adventures my son and I have together. They seem to get a kick out of it and tell me things like, “You should write a book!”, or “You should be writing this down!” Or, when I talk to my friends face to face, it’s hard for me to control my enthusiasm for all things being a dad, both good and bad, so echo similar sentiments.

So, I guess I was thinking I was all hot sh*t in this writing thing (despite having no direct experience in this field), because a while back I submitted a story to a company that’s creating interactive adventures for parents and their children. Well, apparently my ego needed a nice knock down to reality, because they didn’t accept the story. I guess I suck after all, but I’m still going to keep writing on this sucker!

Anyway, to be fair, I did have to write within their parameters and write according to world and characters they were trying to create. I guess my story wasn’t their cup of tea, but to their credit they do seem to trying to push one of the key tenets that I live by as a father: any activity can be an adventure with your child; it’s all how you frame it. I will touch on this more later, but stuff like chores, errands, appointments, obligations that you sometimes have to do with your child CAN be fun if you MAKE THEM FUN.

That was sort of the idea of the story below. They didn’t go for it in the end, but my son definitely liked it. Now he always washes his hair to ward off the evil Smellobytes! Hope you enjoy:

In an attempt avoid detection from General Grey and his Clone Brigade, McRed and Dr. Rose trekked to the thick brush of the Valle de Verde. Not long into their hike, they came upon the magnificent Arco de Glorio. The Arco de Glorio is a majestic natural bridge that spans across the rushing Rio de Esplendor river, allowing travelers to traverse from one side of the valley to the other. As McRed and Dr. Rose were taking in the natural beauty of the valley and river, their pleasant thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a horribly pungent odor. As they came closer and closer to the other side of the bridge, the smell got stronger and stronger, almost to the point where it made them sick to their tummies. Once they fully crossed to the other side of the bridge, McRed and Dr. Rose peeked beneath it, fearing an animal might be sick or dying. To their horror, they realized they had stumbled upon the home of Florglorg, the most feared and dreaded ogre in all the valley!! After letting out two sonic screams, McRed and Dr. Rose proceeded to flee for their lives, only to be stopped by a tremendous bellow of, “WWWAAAAAAAAIITTTT!!!!”

McRed and Dr. Rose halted and turned back to look at Florglorg, but they didn’t see an evil and fearsome Ogre. What they saw in the face of Florglorg was a look of sadness and loneliness. While remaining cautious, McRed stopped to ask, “What’s wrong Florglorg?” Florglorg responded with a heavy sigh, “Everyone thinks I’m a mean and nasty monster, but I’m actually a very friendly and funny ogre. The problem is no one will get close enough to me to allow me to tell that to them.” McRed took a moment to explain in a delicate voice, “Well, that could be because you are putting off such a tremendously awful stench.” Dr. Rose took out two clothespins from her kit, which she and McRed quickly affixed to their noses, shielding them from the stink and allowing them to get closer to Florglorg. Upon closer inspection, and they discovered that the stench was coming from his hair. Unlike his fellow ogre friend Shrek who is bald, Florglorg had a mane of thick black hair that had grown into matted and tangled clumps due to years of abuse and neglect.

Dr. Rose asked Florglorg to bend over so that she could get a closer look at his hair as she took out her trusty pocket microscope. It was just as she suspected: Florglorg’s hair was heavily infested with Smellobytes, one of the evilest and filthiest miniature creatures in all the land. Just as she was about to put away the microscope, one of them stepped up to a microphone: “I am Blarglepuss, leader of Florglorg Smellobytes. We have colonized this territory for the purpose of harvesting gnats, flies, maggots and other foul creatures that are attracted to odor and decay. Leave at once or be stinkified!!”

“Oh no!”, cried Florglorg. “I don’t want to have my head taken over by Smellobytes and be so stinky that no one ever wants to talk to me!” Dr. Rose explained, “There is but one solution: you must wash your hair daily with shampoo. And if you’re interested in ever meeting a Mrs. Florglorg, you might consider investing in a brush and some conditioner, too.” Florglorg nodded his head and immediately went to the Ogre Supermarket to purchase large bottles of shampoo and conditioner, as well as a hairbrush. Upon his first washing, he could immediately hear tiny shrieks from the Smelllobytes screaming, “We’re mellllllttttiinngg!!!” It took several more applications and regular brushing, but within a short amount of time Florglorg had a head of long, shiny, silky, raven colored hair that made even the princesses jealous.

Several days later Florglorg crossed the Arco de Glorio looking for his new friends McRed and Dr. Rose. When he found them playing in Heavenly Fields, he ran up to tell them, “Guys, thank you so much for introducing me to washing and brushing my hair. Now, I feel more confident, people aren’t scared to talk to me, and I’ve met many new friends. I’m so much happier and no longer so lonely. So, thank you again!”

McRed and Dr. Rose skipped and frolicked around Heavenly Fields, pleased to know that they were able to bring joy to the life of their new friend, Florglorg the Friendly Ogre.